Wow. Almost all I can say is just wow. After our announcement on Friday, the congratulations have just been non-stop. I am just….overwhelmed. I’m so in awe, we feel so loved. We’re so thankful, but we’re also just, completely blown away.
Y’all had better hang onto your hats, because this post is shaping up to be absolutely enormous. Filled with ALL of the details and events that have brought us to today.
But, before I share any of that, I want to take a moment and just talk to my IF/2IF girls.
The first time I cried after finding out that I was pregnant was at the realization that I would be making an announcement that would bring pain and hurt to someone else. The same pain and hurt that I have been feeling for years, and that hurts my heart.
I have had such an amazing experience building a community of wonderful, brilliant, and special women through this blog and through our common ground of infertility. (I know they will be reading this, because we’re all massive gluttons for punishment and these are totally the sorts of posts we read) and I want to say that I fully acknowledge how much it sucks when someone “graduates” from IF and it isn’t you. And I fully acknowledge how much it sucks to feel like it sucks when you really should just feel happy but you also feed sad and then you’re just mad at your messed up hormones and situation all over again. I want you to know that a positive pregnancy test doesn’t eliminate the 3+ years it took us to get here, it doesn’t eliminate the high probability that I will struggle with IF again after this baby, and it leaves me with this completely weird sensation that leaves me feeling like, “where do I fit now?”
I also fully acknowledge that this might not mean much because at the end of the day….I’m still pregnant. But, I just really, really felt like I needed to say something because IF is something that I just feel SO incredibly passionate about and it’s just hard to know where and how to adjust to it not being my current identity anymore. I hope you guys can understand that as I try to figure it out. I love you all and I’m praying every day that your no becomes a yes too.
Okay, so how did we end up here?
Early this winter, back in Jan/Feb, a good friend of mine(who happens to have the same IF dx as me) recommended the name of a naturopath in Fayetteville that she had started talking to to help her with her infertility. So, I called and set up an appointment. A few weeks later we talked through my cycles, symptoms, history, etc. She called in some blood work for me and I had to do a saliva test(ewww) to test my hormone levels.
Once everything came back we discovered:
And the MTHFR genetic mutation that can lead to early miscarriage.
She started me on a B complex supplement, DHEA, Vitex, Phytoest, Bovista homeopathic, and recommended I start a “paleoish” diet. Mainly, heavy protein and veggies. She also had me reduce the amount I was exercising.
So, thus began the months and months of this new protocol. I talked to her a few months ago and we discussed my symptom changes from before I started to what they were currently and she was absolutely ecstatic. She told me everything was absolutely perfect, to not change a thing, and that I would be pregnant in four months.
And I kind of wanted to shank her.
Like, sorry lady, I didn’t realize you were a psychic. I thought you were a naturopath?
But, apparently, she was totally right.
I had started working with her, obviously for IF, but I tried to just look at it as improving my general health(which is also why I never blogged about it). I didn’t want to get my hopes up, because I had gone the full blown medical route and it hadn’t worked for me. I had a hard time believing that a few tinctures would do what IVF couldn’t.
But, apparently, I was totally wrong.
When did you find out you were pregnant? How?
Okay, so the two cycles I had had with full supplements when I talked to Dr. Tara were 29 days long. She cheered and was so happy about it. The cycle after I talked to her was 33 days long…..and there is nothing worse to an IF’er than a period that is a few days late. Doesn’t matter how late. Any late. Total mind game. Anyway, it started 5 days late, which made it land securely over our entire beach vacation in August.
You can imagine how happy I was about that.
For the last 3 years, I have dreamed about announcing my pregnancy at the beach. And for the last three years, my period always starts while I’m there.
So, I was pretty upset and unhappy about it.
Plus, I had gained some weight and my skin was breaking out and it was just like, okay, I’m supposed to be improving all of these things and I’m still not pregnant. So, why am I doing any of this??
Fast forward a couple weeks, I read this book called, “It Starts With The Egg” and it was all about how you can improve your egg quality(which is exactly my problem). It was pretty much exactly what my naturopath had explained to me already, but it was more in depth, with a bit more research to read, and had some more specifics laid out.
I decided then and there to REALLY get serious about doing this thing and that very day we started a pretty hardcore diet. It was paleo meets Mediterranean(because we were allowed low glycemic grains), no processed if possible, no alcohol, no caffeine. I started a prenatal, Jim started a daily multivitamin. The first week was ROUGH. I realized my body really seriously craved sugar and that was what it was getting it’s energy from, instead of protein and good fats. So it took a few days for my body to adjust to where it needed to get it’s energy from. Around the week mark, it crossed over and got a lot easier.
Well, as men do, Jim was all “I’ve already lost 5 pounds!” and I was like….well, then why the heck am I still seriously bloated? (I had been following the diet a *wee* bit more strictly than my man, God love him)
Then my period started going late. AGAIN.
I was so mad.
I was just fuming waiting for it to start so I could email my naturopath and say, what in the world is going on, why is my cycle running long again?
And then I realized that I wasn’t having my usual breakouts around my hairline that I ALWAYS get during PMS.
So I waited and waited. Because there is nothing I hate more than seeing a negative pregnancy test. Also, I only had one left under the sink and I didn’t want to waste it.
I decided the night of CD33 after hearing “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet” on the radio on the way to the gym(oh and after thinking about it long and hard with a bunch of criminals that morning at the courthouse) I decided to quietly test the next morning(September 23rd, in case you were wondering.)
Oh yeah! I also tried on Stitch Fix box #2 that night and I just kept staring at my stomach in the mirror and just kept thinking……something is not quite right here.
Jim and Abigail were in the kitchen making breakfast, so I snuck out of bed and took the test.
Instant. Double line. Instant.
I just sat there and said, “What.”
I don’t know, it was just one of those things that, I’ve dreamed about happening for so, so, so long but haven’t let myself think about for so long either that I just felt, unprepared? Like, I had no idea how to tell Jim. Nothing cute was planned.
I walked into the kitchen with the test, smiled at him and said, “Well. I figured out why my bloat won’t go away.”
And the first thing my loving husband said?
“WE DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS STUPID DIET ANYMORE!!! I CAN EAT BREAD!!!!”
And then he hugged me for a long time and then he did this jumping/dancing/kick/punch thing in the middle of our kitchen for a while.
What happened next?
Well, listen, I’ll tell you. I called my naturopath who was on vacation but was able to say “Congrats! And stop all of your supplements until I talk to you in a week!” and then I called my OB to request HCG and progesterone levels.
I had my blood drawn that day.
Beta #1 came back at 864 and my progesterone was 45
I had my blood drawn a little under 48 hours later and Beta #2 came back at over 3000. (I didn’t hear the exact number because I got that crazy whooshing/roaring sound in my ears when the nurse told me that it was great)
They set me up for an early “placement” ultrasound, just to “confirm that the pregnancy is inside the uterus.” Nothing like that terminology to make you break out into a cold sweat, eh?
I didn’t have anything like this with Abigail. It’s all foreign to me. And it was making me feel really nervous and kind of upset, but then I had to just realize that I have a history now that I didn’t have when I was pregnant with Abigail. And they are just being really cautious with me. Which I’m thankful for.
So, anyway, on Tuesday afternoon(the 30th) we had our very first ultrasound. I measured the exact day that I was, 5w5d and we saw a gestational sac inside the uterus. Which, is essentially a black hole with nothing to see.
He printed us a picture:
“Baby’s First Picture”
Y’all. I seriously can’t stop laughing. Like, I don’t know why it’s so funny to me but it really is. It’s a picture of a black circle.
Also, it looks like a really creepy face. What’s up with that?
So, now what?
My first OB appt is scheduled for October 13th. They’ll do all the regular lady business then and we’ll have a follow up ultrasound that day to try to hear the heartbeat, measure, and get a more confirmed due date.
For now, it’s May 28th.
I did have that talk with my naturopath and she started me on a gold dusted $$$ prenatal vitamin, said I could continue with my B complex supplement, and asked me to try to incorporate an extra smoothie into my afternoons to really get a good boost of fruits and extra veggies.
As far as what I’ll blog about, I haven’t decided for sure. I didn’t chronicle my pregnancy closely with Abigail and I obviously wish that I had, so I might do a weekly check in of sorts. Just because, dang this is special.
How did you tell Abigail? What does she think?
Here is the video of us face timing my parents and telling them for the first time(they live in AZ). This was also the first time we told Abigail(because hello blabber mouth).
She is super excited and totally convinced that she is getting a sister. She completely refuses to consider the alternative, so, this might be fun 🙂 She prays for the baby all the time and we talk about it a lot and it just, completely melts my heart.
And even though it is totally ridiculous, here is my very first “bump” picture:
I love that Abigail is in it(and seahorse, she’s one of the fam) and my tattoo AND my newly acquired teensy weensy bumpity bump(at 5w3d).
As proof of something definitely growing in there I’ve already been dealing with constant trips to the bathroom, constant sleep, ahem, boobs, bloating, and am rapidly picking up food aversions.
I started getting sick with A right at 7ish weeks and I didn’t stop puking until week 16- the nausea didn’t go away until week 18. So, I’m certainly hoping for an easier go round this time, but I’m not keeping my fingers crossed.
So, that being said, I’ve been running around like a crazy person trying to get things in order before all I do is lay on the couch and grow a human for the next three months. Abigail’s school is organized and prepped until mid-December, my house is completely cleaned, laundry is caught up, and I’m trying to get a bit ahead on blogging(that comes last).
So, to wrap all of this up, I just want to ask you to pray, pray, and pray some more for our new little nugget. We so desperately want to welcome Mr. Finn or Miss No Name into our arms and our family in May. There is a lot of time ahead of us and a lot of things that can come up, but we’re just trying to take this one day at a time and to enjoy every second/minute/hour that we are given. We feel so incredibly blessed by all of your love and support and are so thankful for each and every one of you.
Your prayers have been answered too and the magnitude of that is not lost on me.